(sigh)

i cannot sleep.

i'm out on the couch wondering if you on the other hand have found yourself in dreams whilst lying on our bed.

i have no emotions keeping me from falling sound asleep; not anger nor frustrations, no sadness, no fears, no joys. i'm a bit withdrawn i'd say, with incomplete thoughts to back it up.

i thought it might help if i dabbled with words, sort of like counting sheep - it was just a thought. i thought that if i dabbled with words, i'd figure out what was keeping me up and away from the bed, and that if i figured it out i'd then find myself lying next to you ... fast asleep.

my wide-eyed state and restlessness this evening could be credited to the absence of nyquil. it knocked me out last night and now perhaps my body feels like it cannot on its own find rest without aid.

i must say though, that the bright white of this screen in the darkness all around me is forcibly playing with my eyelids - and as the open-shut motions are convincing me of sleep, i'm reminded of this:

the sleepy-eyed feelings i used to fight just to stay up as long as i could to chat with you online ... the sleepier i got, the more i relied on the IM "brrings" to call me back to attention when you'd enter a message.

it was fun revisiting those days tonight, just as it was fun getting the chance to play with you some nights back after you did some push ups - i was rather punchy that night, wasn't i?

goodnight - i think i'm ready for bed.

i love you.


-A